The Joyful Mother of Children

1 Kings 1-2, Psalm 37, 71, 94, & 111-118

Trust in the Lord and do what is good;
dwell in the land and live securely.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.

Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act,
making your righteousness shine like the dawn,
your justice like the noonday.

Be silent before the Lord and wait expectantly for him;
do not be agitated by one who prospers in his way,
by the person who carries out evil plans.

Refrain from anger and give up your rage;
do not be agitated—it can only bring harm.
…
A person’s steps are established by the Lord,
and he takes pleasure in his way.
Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,
because the Lord supports him with his hand.
…
The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom;
his tongue speaks what is just.
The instruction of his God is in his heart;
his steps do not falter.
…
The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord,
their refuge in a time of distress.
The Lord helps and delivers them;
he will deliver them from the wicked and will save them
because they take refuge in him.
Psalm 37:3-8, 23-24, 30-31, 39-40

If I say, “My foot is slipping,”
your faithful love will support me, Lord.
When I am filled with cares,
your comfort brings me joy.
Psalm 94:18-19

Hallelujah!
Happy is the person who fears the Lord,
taking great delight in his commands.
His descendants will be powerful in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.
Wealth and riches are in his house,
and his righteousness endures forever.
Light shines in the darkness for the upright.
He is gracious, compassionate, and righteous.
Good will come to the one who lends generously
and conducts his business fairly.
He will never be shaken.
The righteous one will be remembered forever.
He will not fear bad news;
his heart is confident, trusting in the Lord.
His heart is assured; he will not fear.
In the end he will look in triumph on his foes.
He distributes freely to the poor;
his righteousness endures forever.
His horn will be exalted in honor.
psalm 112:1-9

Hallelujah!
Give praise, servants of the Lord;
praise the name of the Lord.
Let the name of the Lord be blessed
both now and forever.
From the rising of the sun to its setting,
let the name of the Lord be praised.

The Lord is exalted above all the nations,
his glory above the heavens.
Who is like the Lord our God—
the one enthroned on high,
who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?
He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the trash heap
in order to seat them with nobles—
with the nobles of his people.
He gives the childless woman a household,
making her the joyful mother of children.
Hallelujah!
Psalm 113:1-9

The Lord is gracious and righteous;
our God is compassionate.
The Lord guards the inexperienced;
I was helpless, and he saved me.
Return to your rest, my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Lord, rescued me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling.
I will walk before the Lord
in the land of the living.
…
The death of his faithful ones
is valuable in the Lord’s sight.
Psalm 116:5-9 & 15

Let those who fear the Lord say,
“His faithful love endures forever.”

I called to the Lord in distress;
the Lord answered me
and put me in a spacious place.
The Lord is for me; I will not be afraid.
What can a mere mortal do to me?
The Lord is my helper;
therefore, I will look in triumph on those who hate me.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in humanity.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in nobles.
…
They pushed me hard to make me fall,
but the Lord helped me.
The Lord is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
…
Open the gates of righteousness for me;
I will enter through them
and give thanks to the Lord.
This is the Lord’s gate;
the righteous will enter through it.
I will give thanks to you
because you have answered me
and have become my salvation.
The stone that the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone.
This came from the Lord;
it is wondrous in our sight.
This is the day the Lord has made;
let’s rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:4-9, 13-14, &19-24

As I read these psalms, the line that really struck me was the phrase, “the joyful mother of children.” As much as I adore my children, and as much joy they bring to my life, I can confess that there are days, weeks, and seasons, that sometimes feel anything but joyful. Navigating multiple toddler tantrums, moodiness, complaining, sibling squables, neediness, disobedience, and endless loads of laundry and mountains of toys can be emotionally, mentally, and physically depleting. There are days I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, and weary. When I feel this way, my emotions are compounded with feelings of guilt, shame, and disappointment in myself. It feels like the Proverbs 31 woman/wife/mother is a distant and unachievable standard to live up to. It doesn’t help that we live in a culture that constantly sells the lie of self love and toxic mommy culture, which also mix in feelings of selfishness and entitlement.

But these psalms reminded me over and over again that it is the LORD Who is my joy, not my children. It is Him Who is my strength, not myself. It is in Him that I find comfort, not in the escapism that the world would offer. He is my salvation, my rest, my righteousness, my help, my refuge, and the One Who faithfully provides for my needs, bears my burdens, fills me with peace, instructs me in His ways, and fulfills my desires. So often I think that my distress, my frustration, my weariness comes from seeking what only the LORD can provide in other places or people.

In order to be the joyful mother of children, I must first find my joy in the LORD – not in my children, not in my circumstances, not in myself. Nehemiah 8:10 says the joy of the LORD is our strength, and David writes in Psalm 16, “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” It seems to me that the key to lasting, constant joy is to abide deeply and closely with the LORD. To walk with Him in every season and situation because it is in His presence that their is fullness of joy – even in the hard days of motherhood. AMEN!

So That A Future Generation Might Know

1 Chronicles 3-10, Psalm 73, 77-78

My people, hear my instruction;
listen to the words from my mouth.
I will declare wise sayings;
I will speak mysteries from the past—
things we have heard and known
and that our ancestors have passed down to us.
We will not hide them from their children,
but will tell a future generation
the praiseworthy acts of the Lord,
his might, and the wondrous works
he has performed.
He established a testimony in Jacob
and set up a law in Israel,
which he commanded our ancestors
to teach to their children
so that a future generation—
children yet to be born—might know.
They were to rise and tell their children
so that they might put their confidence in God
and not forget God’s works,
but keep his commands.
Then they would not be like their ancestors,
a stubborn and rebellious generation,
a generation whose heart was not loyal
and whose spirit was not faithful to God.

The Ephraimite archers turned back
on the day of battle.
They did not keep God’s covenant
and refused to live by his law.
They forgot what he had done,
the wondrous works he had shown them.
…
But they continued to sin against him,
rebelling in the desert against the Most High.
They deliberately tested God,
demanding the food they craved.
They spoke against God, saying,
“Is God able to provide food in the wilderness?
Look! He struck the rock and water gushed out;
torrents overflowed.
But can he also provide bread
or furnish meat for his people?”
Therefore, the Lord heard and became furious;
then fire broke out against Jacob,
and anger flared up against Israel
because they did not believe God
or rely on his salvation.
…
Despite all this, they kept sinning
and did not believe his wondrous works.
He made their days end in futility,
their years in sudden disaster.
When he killed some of them,
the rest began to seek him;
they repented and searched for God.
They remembered that God was their rock,
the Most High God, their Redeemer.
But they deceived him with their mouths,
they lied to him with their tongues,
their hearts were insincere toward him,
and they were unfaithful to his covenant.
Yet he was compassionate;
he atoned for their iniquity
and did not destroy them.
He often turned his anger aside
and did not unleash all his wrath.
He remembered that they were only flesh,
a wind that passes and does not return.

How often they rebelled against him
in the wilderness
and grieved him in the desert.
They constantly tested God
and provoked the Holy One of Israel.
Psalm 78:1-11, 17-22, & 32-41

When I became embittered
and my innermost being was wounded,
I was stupid and didn’t understand;
I was an unthinking animal toward you.
Yet I am always with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me up in glory.
Who do I have in heaven but you?
And I desire nothing on earth but you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart,
my portion forever.
Those far from you will certainly perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, God’s presence is my good.
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
so I can tell about all you do.
Psalm 73:21-28

I put Psalm 78 before 73 for a reason, which I will get to in a moment. Psalm 78 begins with Asaph, a member of the Levite tribe, appointed by David to be one of the singers of the house of the LORD, urging the people to listen to his instruction. He goes into detail about the sins of Israel, how often they rebelled against the LORD. In their forgetfulness, they did not keep God’s covenant or live by His commands. Though God did punish their rebellion, He often responded in mercy and compassion. Asaph tells the people that these things have happened so that a future generation, children not yet born, might know the LORD – “that they might put their confidence in God and not forget God’s works, but keep his commands.”

As a mother, that is my ultimate purpose – to rise and tell my children, to teach them of “the praiseworthy acts of the Lord, his might, and the wondrous works he has performed.” My hearts deepest longing is that they would put their faith in Him – to believe in God and rely on His salvation through His Son Jesus.

But I can confess that so often my flesh gets in the way of what my heart desires. So often I allow my expectations and entitlements, my comfort and control to cause me to lose focus on the mission of my motherhood. My mission is not to force little humans to behave and perform perfectly, but to point them to Christ – to preach the Gospel, to remind them of the goodness and faithfulness of God, and to live out my faith in my words and actions, especially toward them.

In Psalm 73, Asaph begins by recounting the goodness of the LORD to Israel, yet he then confesses to allowing his gaze to slip – or as he puts it, allowing his feet to slip and his steps to go astray – because he begins to envy the wicked. He sees how they ” mock, and they speak maliciously; they arrogantly threaten oppression. They set their mouths against heaven, and their tongues strut across the earth.” Watching these things go unpunished embitters his soul, and he confesses that he became stupid and did not understand, that he was like an unthinking animal toward the LORD.

I can confess when my children are fighting, whining, screaming and disobeying, when school gets cancelled, when things don’t go according to my plan, and when I feel overwhelmed with the weight of picky eaters and toddler tantrums, my soul becomes embittered. I start to focus only on what I can see and how it isn’t fair, isn’t fun, isn’t perfect. I become like an unthinking animal, allowing my words or actions to betray that I have put my faith in the goodness and sovereignty of God.

BUT, Asaph’s psalm ends with such hope for my momma heart! He says:

“Yet I am always with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me up in glory.
Who do I have in heaven but you?
And I desire nothing on earth but you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart,
my portion forever.
Those far from you will certainly perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, God’s presence is my good.
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
so I can tell about all you do.”

God is always with me. He holds my hand and guides me with His counsel. His presence is for my good. Who do I have in heaven but Him? Yes, my heart and flesh will fail, but GOD is the strength of my heart – not perfectly behaved children, not a day of comfort and ease, not things going according to my plan.

Elizabeth Elliot, one of my favorite wise women of God, said, “My faith is to rest not in the outcome I think God should work out for me; my faith rests in who God is.” He is my strength, my portion, my refuge, my salvation, my ever-present, constantly faithful guide. Because of this, I can tell others, especially my children, of all that He does – so that they might know Him as well. AMEN!

At The LORD’s Command

Numbers 5-9

On the day the tabernacle was set up, the cloud covered the tabernacle, the tent of the testimony, and it appeared like fire above the tabernacle from evening until morning. It remained that way continuously: the cloud would cover it, appearing like fire at night. Whenever the cloud was lifted up above the tent, the Israelites would set out; at the place where the cloud stopped, there the Israelites camped. At the Lord’s command the Israelites set out, and at the Lord’s command they camped. As long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they camped.

Even when the cloud stayed over the tabernacle many days, the Israelites carried out the Lord’s requirement and did not set out. Sometimes the cloud remained over the tabernacle for only a few days. They would camp at the Lord’s command and set out at the Lord’s command. Sometimes the cloud remained only from evening until morning; when the cloud lifted in the morning, they set out. Or if it remained a day and a night, they moved out when the cloud lifted. Whether it was two days, a month, or longer, the Israelites camped and did not set out as long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle. But when it was lifted, they set out. They camped at the Lord’s command, and they set out at the Lord’s command. They carried out the Lord’s requirement according to his command through Moses.
Numbers 9:15-23

This morning got off on the wrong foot. Early risings, fussy loud demands, and toys getting dumped in the toilet…all before 7:30am and my first cup of coffee. I admit that I struggle to respond with love and kindness when my comfort and control are threatened. I bristle against change, and I really don’t like it when my normal and/or expected routine is challenged. I did not handle it well, yelling in response to my children’s perceived neediness and loud demands.

Shortly after I read this from the Risen Motherhood account on Instagram: “So, what are we to do when anger begins welling up? How can we combat these feelings the moment they occur? We can start with a deep breath and a not-so-simple, simple question: Do I have a good reason to be angry?”

The truth is, no, I did not have a good reason to be angry. Many of the actions of my two children were just kids being kids, but I am the mature one…Right?

I wish I could say that I didn’t struggle with anger. My mom had the tendency to yell, to step on a soapbox and berate us with scoldings til she was blue in the face. I swore I would never be like that, but here I am 37 years old and my number one struggle in motherhood is anger. But anger is really the surface idol that is rooted in my desire for comfort and control. I will never fully battle my anger until I completely surrender the heart idols from which it grows out of to the LORD.

Motherhood has become the most sanctifying experience of my life and I feel like my ugly sin is constantly on display – under a microscope no less! Yet, I have to remind myself that this is a season God has brought me to, and, therefore, He will bring me through it, sanctifying my heart in the process; provided I allow the Holy Spirit to do His work. I can often find myself annoyed by a season or stage, hoping that the next season will be easier or more fulfilling. But more often than not I realize that the next chapter often comes with its own struggles and frustrations.

This makes me think about the Israelites in the desert wilderness, and how they were at the whims of this pillar of fire and cloud that encamped over the Tabernacle. They would set out and set up at the command of the LORD. I’m not much for camping, but I can imagine how much work goes into setting up and breaking down the camp. I could see myself being annoyed if we set up our family’s tent, only to have to pack it all up the very next day; and yet, I also don’t know how patient I would be if we were stuck in the same place for months at a time.

I loved the commentary in Spurgeon’s notes: “We cannot tell what changes may come to any one of us, and, therefore, we reckon on nothing that God has not plainly promised. Be certain of nothing but uncertainty, and always expect the unexpected. We cannot tell between here and heaven where our Guide may take us – happy will we be if we can truly say that we desire always to follow where the Lord leads.“

The truth is life, and motherhood in particular, is full of setting up and settling in, and sometimes those seasons are more difficult, unglamorous, exhausting, or frustrating than others. Because I was really feeling that this morning, I reread this portion from the book Risen Motherhood,

“God allows us to experience the pain, difficulty, and discomfort of transitional seasons so our faith is tested and purified because this results in eternal glory and praise for Christ.The transition you just want to end isn’t a throwaway season – it’s a time full of God’s purposes, when hindsight will tell a story of sin and need driving us to the Father and making us love more like the Son…

We endure whatever God has for us until the very end, believing God’s promises even when we can’t see the outcome. God doesn’t promise our current hard season or transition will end the way we want it to, but He does promise He’ll be with us all the way through…

Just as He provided an oasis for the tired, thirsty Israelites on their journey in the desert, He can provide refreshment in our transitional times when we cry out to Him in faith…

I needed to see the value in the season of transition, when God was shoveling, tilling, raking – messing up the hard soil of my heart. He was ready to plant new seeds of faith that could later produce a great harvest for the Kingdom. He was not content to let the field of my life remain dormant.”

God is constantly at work, moving us, shaping us, making us uncomfortable, so that we can become more like His Son.

As if God hadn’t reaffirmed this heart check enough today, another person I follow on Instagram posted this later in the morning:

My attitude adjusted rather quickly as I came to terms with the fact that this is exactly what I needed to happen in this exact moment to become more Christlike and I need to become more Christlike by the power of the Holy Spirit. Who am I to whine when the Potter fashions me a certain way? I cannot grumble when the Lord of all shapes this lump of clay in the way He sees fit. It is only because of His grace and mercy that I’m not a vessel of wrath. As a vessel of mercy I will choose to praise Him in all. She went on to say, “Whatever happens in your day is exactly what needs to happen to make you more like Christ. God is more concerned with you being Christlike in spirit than being comfortable in your flesh, yet He is also good in that He is our comfort as we are being conformed to the image of Christ.“AMEN, sister!

LORD, help me to respond with grace toward the mundane, frustrating, overwhelming moments in my day that You are using to sanctify me in a manner that grows me to be more like Christ. Where You move me, I want to follow! AMEN!

Children Living In The Truth

3 John

Dear friend, I am praying that everything prosper with you and that you be in good health, as I know you are prospering spiritually. For I was so happy when some brothers came and testified how faithful you are to the truth, as you continue living in the truth. Nothing gives me greater joy than hearing that my children are living in the truth.
…
Dear friend, don’t imitate the bad, but the good. Those who do what is good are from God; those who do what is bad are not from God.
3 John 1:2-4 & 11

My baby boy turned one year old this past weekend. Motherhood has brought me more joy than anything else in my life; and though it has also been one of the things that God has used to challenge and sanctify me, I am so thankful for the blessing of my children.

This year has been unlike any we have ever experienced, and despite the stress and uncertainty of COVID, the thing that truly keeps me up at night is dwelling on the state of our world. A post-truth world that is all about progressive-revelation feelings over fact. It’s no longer the social norm in our country to be a Christian, and I often worry about what the future looks like for believers as the world moved further away from God’s truth. I am saddened sometimes to think of how different the world my kids will grow up in is compared to the world I grew up in.

But then sometimes I find myself so excited about what lies ahead of us. I think that the greatest days of the Church are still to come and that we get to be a part of an amazing time in history! To think that we could have been born at any time and any place, and yet God chose to place us right here in 2020 is pretty amazing!

Part of my role in this moment, maybe the most important part, is to be faithful to the truth, to live in the truth, and to impart that truth to my children; because the world is going to do everything it can to deceive them, to convince them of its “truth”, and to draw them away from the God Who loves them. That is an amazing role, and one that helps to make the long, frustrating, tiresome days of motherhood – the days when I feel like I’m doing nothing more than cleaning us messes, calming tantrums, changing diapers, and barely keeping up with household chores – feel a little less burdensome and a lot more purposeful!

My daughter is now five, and she is starting to really understand and embrace a lot of God’s truth that we, her church, and her school have imparted to her. It truly gives me no greater joy than to hear her speak something that is true, or to hear her talk about how she loves Jesus, or to watch her serve me or her brother or father with a kind and loving heart. She is at an age where I’m starting to get to see roots and fruit from the years where you just don’t really know what is sinking in. And that gives me great joy! Joy that the world cannot take away!

It’s funny…back in January I decided that JOY was my “word for the year”, and I’ll be honest, there have been days, even weeks that have felt anything but joyful. This is an excerpt from my entry on that topic:

“Joy [according to the world] is an inner feeling based on outward circumstances. But God’s word would tell us the exact opposite. Joy, true lasting joy, is an inner state of being despite our outward circumstances. It is not based on how we feel, because often we will not feel like being joyful in hard times. I can’t remember where I found this quote, but I saved it on my phone: ‘[The Fruit] are not fading, fragile emotions produced by willpower…Fruit is the effortless, spontaneous expression of the character of the Tree.‘”

So as this year is coming to an end, I will continue to seek joy, even in the hard days, and remember that this gift of motherhood, though it is challenging, sanctifying work, brings great joy when we see our children walking in the truth! May I walk faithfully in it, following after Christ, so that they too may follow Him. AMEN!

Get Your Minds Ready For Work!

1 Peter 1:10-16

The prophets, who prophesied about this gift of deliverance that was meant for you, pondered and inquired diligently about it. They were trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of the Messiah in them was referring in predicting the Messiah’s sufferings and the glorious things to follow. It was revealed to them that their service when they spoke about these things was not for their own benefit, but for yours. And these same things have now been proclaimed to you by those who communicated the Good News to you through the Ruach HaKodesh sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things!

Therefore, get your minds ready for work, keep yourselves under control, and fix your hopes fully on the gift you will receive when Yeshua the Messiah is revealed. As people who obey God, do not let yourselves be shaped by the evil desires you used to have when you were still ignorant. On the contrary, following the Holy One who called you, become holy yourselves in your entire way of life; since the Tanakh says,

“You are to be holy because I am holy.”
1 Peter 1:10-16

I love finding NT verses that affirm the importance of the OT to us as believers, whether Jew or Gentile! Last week, I wrote about warnings in the wilderness, and how Paul tells us that the things that happened to the Israelites in the desert are important for us to learn from today. Today, Peter is writing to his readers to tell them that the messages that were given to the prophets were not just for their benefit, or to benefit those in their generation, but for the generations that would come after them. Namely, he is speaking of the great deliverance, the God News of salvation, that would extend far beyond the original Jewish audience that they were spoken to.

In light of the great, imperishable, unfading hope that awaits us, Peter charges us to get our minds ready for work! Dr. Constable writes, “[Peter] said, in effect, ‘Now that you have focused your thinking positively, you need to roll up your sleeves mentally, pull yourselves together, and adopt some attitudes that will affect your activities.’ When we ‘fix [our] hope completely on the grace to be brought to [us],’ present trials will not deflect us from obeying God faithfully now. In other words, Peter urged his readers to face their daily trials with a specific attitude clearly and constantly in mind. We should remember that what God will give us soon, as a reward for our faithful commitment to Him, is worth any sacrifice now.”

I think back to my last post, and how I wrote about one of the “trials” that I can struggle with the most in this season is irritability as a mom. Whether it’s a fussy, cranky baby who wakes up too early from a nap, a complaining or overly emotional 5 year old who is as stubborn as her mother, or a day that just doesn’t go as planned, I can allow those things to completely derail me. And that’s why I think it’s so interesting that Peter tells us to get our minds ready for work.

Peter was a Jew, religiously and culturally, and he therefore thought like a Jew. In ancient cultures, the mind and heart were interchangeable, which is very different from our western culture which tends to think that the heart refers mainly to our emotions and feelings and that our mind is where logic and thoughts exist. However in an Hebraic way of thinking the heart also refers to one’s mind and thoughts as well. So throughout scripture when we see verses talking about the mind or heart, we should view them as being the same.

In Matthew 15:19, Jesus says, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.” Sin starts in the heart/mind. This idea is also prevalent throughout Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, where He teaches that it’s not simply our outward actions that matter to God, but the attitudes and thoughts of our heart.

After charging us to get our minds ready for work, Peter says “as God’s obedient children, never again shape your lives by the desires that you followed when you didn’t know better. Instead, shape your lives to become like the Holy One who called you.” (TPT) This makes me think of what Paul says in Romans 12, where again, we see the importance of our mind: “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.”

I was talking with a friend yesterday about how sanctifying motherhood has been. I knew I was a sinner before having children, but becoming a mom has made me acutely aware of how wicked I am in my selfishness, pride, self-righteousness, anger, and idolatry that comes in the form or control and comfort. Not to mention seeing my own sin patterns played out in the precious form of a 5 year old. And so again it goes back to my thoughts, my mind, which needs to constantly be renewed and transformed by God’s Word. It’s not going to happen by will power, but by the power of the Holy Spirit at work in me, Who, going back to Chapter 1 verse 1, has set me apart for obeying Jesus. Christ calls me to trust the LORD for my daily needs, to love others as myself, to take up my cross daily, to serve humbly and willingly, and to abide in Him. But so often my thoughts allow me to think that I am in charge of my own life, that I have a right to do whatever I want, when I want, on the terms I want. That I should be served, not serve. That people should sacrifice so I can live. That I don’t need God because I can white knuckle it through my hardest days without ever calling out to Him.

So it is in focusing my mind on the truth of God’s word, renewing my mind daily, that I am able to take every thought captive and get my mind, my heart, ready for work. Not work that brings about salvation, but work that demonstrates to the world, to my husband, to my small children, that salvation is at work in me. I no longer desire for the world or my former way of life to be what shapes me, but that I would be shaped into the image of Christ and to grow in holiness a little more every day. AMEN!

A Living Hope

1 Peter 1:1-9

From: Kefa, an emissary of Yeshua the Messiah

To: God’s chosen people, living as aliens in the Diaspora — in Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, the province of Asia, and Bythinia — chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father and set apart by the Spirit for obeying Yeshua the Messiah and for sprinkling with his blood:

Grace and shalom be yours in full measure.

Praised be God, Father of our Lord Yeshua the Messiah, who, in keeping with his great mercy, has caused us, through the resurrection of Yeshua the Messiah from the dead, to be born again to a living hope, to an inheritance that cannot decay, spoil or fade, kept safe for you in heaven. Meanwhile, through trusting, you are being protected by God’s power for a deliverance ready to be revealed at the Last Time. Rejoice in this, even though for a little while you may have to experience grief in various trials. Even gold is tested for genuineness by fire. The purpose of these trials is so that your trust’s genuineness, which is far more valuable than perishable gold, will be judged worthy of praise, glory and honor at the revealing of Yeshua the Messiah.

Without having seen him, you love him. Without seeing him now, but trusting in him, you continue to be full of joy that is glorious beyond words. And you are receiving what your trust is aiming at, namely, your deliverance.
1 Peter 1:1-9

Peter starts out his first letter by reminding his readers that they have been chosen, selected by God; set apart, sanctified by the Holy Spirit; and brought into submission and obedience to Jesus Christ. Peter’s primary purpose for this letter was to encourage believers who were suffering immense persecution to stand firm and to remind them of where their hope truly rests.

In his introduction to this epistle, Dr. Constable writes, “It seems to me that Peter stated the message of this epistle clearly: ‘Stand firm in the true grace of God’ (5:12).

The subject of the letter, therefore, is ‘the true grace of God.’ ‘Grace’ is the key word in the argument of this epistle. In each case, the word ‘grace’ occurs in the practical, rather than in the doctrinal, part of each section of the letter. Throughout 1 Peter, the fact of God’s grace was in Peter’s mind as crucial to the believer’s practice. How does one explain God’s grace? ‘Grace’ means both ‘undeserved favor’ and ‘divine enablement.’ A good synonym is God’s ‘help.’

The main purpose of this epistle was to strengthen the readers so they would persevere through their persecution with the right attitude. Peter did this by showing that God’s grace provided all that they needed for strength. In a larger sense, the purpose is to help Christians know how to live as ‘aliens’ in the world.”

My Jewish Study Bible notes that “Peter exhorted his first century Jewish readers as the prophets of old had exhorted their ancestors, turning repeatedly to Torah themes of holiness and righteousness with which they would have been familiar. Along with comfort and encouragement, his letters hold out God’s promise of an incorruptible inheritance and a glorious future. Much of 1 Peter reminds us of God’s grace – not so much the grace that brings salvation, but the grace that extends to every believer on a daily basis. This letter explains the origin of suffering in sin itself and its purpose in God’s hand as a tool for growth and ultimate blessing.”

As I think about these two introductions to Peter’s first letter, I think about how they apply to the world we live in today. We as believers live in two kingdoms – the kingdom of the world and the Kingdom of God – yet, we serve One King. So often we view our lives through the lens of this earthly kingdom, the things we can see which are all ultimately passing away. But Peter reminds us that we who have been brought into the family of God have been born again into a living hope – “a perfect inheritance that can never perish, never be defiled, and never diminish. It is promised and preserved forever in the heavenly realm!” (TPT) It reminds me of what Paul says in Colossians 3: “So if you were raised along with the Messiah, then seek the things above, where the Messiah is sitting at the right hand of God. Focus your minds on the things above, not on things here on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with the Messiah in God. When the Messiah, who is our life, appears, then you too will appear with him in glory!”

This world is not our forever home, yet we are tempted to put all our hope in it. Whether it’s the zip code we live in, the ease and comfort of our daily routine, perfectly behaved children, or who becomes our next president, we get bent out of shape when this home doesn’t live up to the unattainable expectations we place on it. That’s because it never will; and it was never meant to.

While we have yet to face firey trials and persecution to the extent of our brothers and sisters around the globe face in regards to our shared faith, it doesn’t mean that our lives are not without hardship, grief, and frustrations. Even those seemingly minor, insignificant trials that we experience throughout our day are opportunities for us to have the genuineness of our faith tested. For me, a bad nap day for my 10 month old can completely derail me. I can become snippy, irritated, and totally caught up in the frustration of short, inconsistent naps. But when I allow these temporal things to affect the attitude of my heart, I am demonstrating where my hope is – in the entitlement of a day that goes completely according to my plan with ease. My control and comfort idols have been constantly tested over the last month as our son is going through a nap transition, cutting for teeth, and becoming more mobile. When that happens I can run to one of two places – I can choose to run to temporal comforts like mentally checking out binge watching a show or scrolling my phone, or to things like food and drink to divert my focus off of my feelings of frustration. But if I allow them to, these trials and frustrations can become tools in the Master’s hands, the means by which He refines me and makes me more like His Son. I can take these frustrations to Him, knowing He sees me and loves me, and that He is the unchanging, unfading, unfailing Rock where my hope is found. He may not lift the burden or change my circumstance, but He will give me the grace I need to get through even the hardest days.

A song that keeps coming to mind on these rough days of mothering tiny humans who do not live up to my unrealistic expectations of perfection is King of My Heart:

Let the King of my heart
Be the mountain where I run
The fountain I drink from
Oh, He is my song
Let the King of my heart
Be the shadow where I hide
The ransom for my life
Oh, He is my song

‘Cause You are good
You are good, oh oh
You are good
You are good, oh oh
You are good
You are good, oh oh
You are good
You are good, oh oh

And let the King of my heart
Be the wind inside my sails
The anchor in the waves
Oh oh, He is my song
Let the King of my heart
Be the fire inside my veins
The echo of my days
Oh oh, He is my song

You’re never gonna let
You’re never gonna let me down
And You’re never gonna let
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let
You’re never gonna let me down

LORD, thank You that You have chosen me, set me apart by the Holy Spirit, and have brought me into your family because of the blood of Your Son. With this great gift comes a great hope, one that is beyond this world. Remind my heart of this when I am so tempted to cling to this world instead of clinging to You. And let these long, hard days, the frustrations and trials, whether they be from motherhood or from simply living in a broken world, be the catalyst by which You bring about sanctification and perseverance in my life. May my faith in Christ be judged worthy of praise, glory, and honor at the revealing of Your Son because my hope rests solely in You. AMEN!

Choose JOY

Romans 15

May God, the source of hope, fill you completely with joy and shalom as you continue trusting, so that by the power of the Ruach HaKodesh you may overflow with hope.
Romans 15:13

It’s been 4 weeks since I’ve cracked open my bible after the birth of our son. It’s hard to carve out that time in my schedule, which really isn’t much of a schedule right now as I am at the mercy of a hungry sleepy newborn who loves to be snuggled more than anything. Yet in this new season of changing diapers, nursing, spit-up, and sleepless nights, I have not felt entirely disconnected from the LORD. He has continued to sustain me and encourage me through His people, midnight devotions I find on my phone as I nurse and rock a newborn, worship songs, and through lots of prayer. And while I long to have that precious time back – and I know that might be a while – I love how the LORD has held me close in a season where it would be all too easy to drift away.

Like many people, for the last 3 years or so I have had a word for the year. Abide, Delight, and Holy have been the ones I have focused on in the past. I hadn’t really had time to put much effort or thought into that for this year until about a week or so ago when I was watching the Today Show. They had a celebrity on who was talking about her health and weightloss goals for the year. Her weight has fluctuated over the years and she said that this time she’s going to stick to her plan because she wants to have more joy in her life. As I thought about her words it made me realize how off the world’s view of joy is. To the world joy is dependent on circumstances and is something that can be attained if you just change certain things in your life. Whether it’s weight, location, possessions, job, getting married, or having children, the world tells us if you just focus on what you want and desire you will experience joy once you achieve it. Joy is an inner feeling based on outward circumstances. But God’s word would tell us the exact opposite. Joy, true lasting joy, is an inner state of being despite our outward circumstances. It is not based on how we feel, because often we will not feel like being joyful in hard times. I can’t remember where I found this quote, but I saved it on my phone: “[The Fruit] are not fading, fragile emotions produced by willpower…Fruit is the effortless, spontaneous expression of the character of the Tree.” Paul writes that joy is a Fruit of the Spirit which means it is an attribute of a person abiding in Christ. Jesus says in John 15, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” We cannot experience real joy if we are not abiding in Christ, no matter how good or put together our lives may be; if Christ is absent, so too will be joy, along with love, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.

So as I thought about this biblical idea of joy, I realized that is exactly what I want my focus to be this year. Because in this new season of life there are going to be a LOT of days where I am going to feel anything but joyful, and yet, God’s word tells me that His joy is my strength and that it is not dependent on my circumstances, but completely available to me when I am dependent on Him.

And that’s why today, I just wanted to focus in on one of my favorite verses about joy, Romans 15:13. It is God Who fills me with joy as I trust, as I am dependent on Him. As I read the rest of chapter 15 for context, this verse took on even greater meaning for me:

“So we who are strong have a duty to bear the weaknesses of those who are not strong, rather than please ourselves. [Who is weaker than a newborn? One of my roles as a mother is to put my child’s needs before my own] Each of us should please his neighbor and act for his good, thus building him up. [In Jesus’ parable of the Good Samaritan, we learn that really, everyone is our neighbor…this includes my husband, my daughter, and our newborn son. My actions and words should be for their good and for the purpose of building them up] For even the Messiah did not please himself; rather, as the Tanakh says, ‘The insults of those insulting you fell on me.’ For everything written in the past was written to teach us, so that with the encouragement of the Tanakh we might patiently hold on to our hope. [Jesus gave up all His privilege, position, comfort, and entitlement for the sake of those who could do nothing for Him. I can surely give up a little sleep, comfort, and selfish desires for the sake of my child(ren)] And may God, the source of encouragement and patience, give you the same attitude among yourselves as the Messiah Yeshua had, so that with one accord and with one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Yeshua the Messiah. [Boy, do I need some encouragement and patience in this season – and it is God Who is the source. When I am dependent on Him I can imitate Christ’s attitude toward my family, which will bring glory to God – whether it’s dishes or diapers, folding laundry or snuggling a fussy baby, I can have Christ’s attitude and when I do God gets the glory – even if no one else sees it]

So welcome each other, just as the Messiah has welcomed you into God’s glory. For I say that the Messiah became a servant of the Jewish people in order to show God’s truthfulness by making good his promises to the Patriarchs, and in order to show his mercy by causing the Gentiles to glorify God [Everything Christ did was done as a servant, and in doing so He revealed the faithfulness of God and His mercy. When I serve my family I have the opportunity to be an instrument of His goodness and grace.]
…
I have always made it my ambition to proclaim the Good News where the Messiah was not yet known, so that I would not be building on someone else’s foundation, but rather, as the Tanakh puts it,
“Those who have not been told about him will see,
and those who have not heard will understand.”
[My children are blank slates, little sinners who need the Gospel just as much as I do. I get to build on a bare foundation, teaching them truth, demonstrating God’s grace, and pointing them to His goodness and love. These are eternal souls that God has stewarded to me and my husband, and while their salvation is not dependent on us, it is not a role to take lightly.]

I don’t know when I’ll get to have consistent quiet times again, getting up early and spending a good hour or so in the Word, but I can choose JOY. I can lean into the LORD in moments where I feel anything but joyful and allow His joy to be what sustains me in hard moments, in sleepless nights, in days where I’ve barely gotten a moment to myself as I give up all my “rights” and entitlements for my child. Because that’s what Jesus did for me and so, so much more! Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, whose “heart was focused on the JOY of knowing that [we] would be his, he endured the agony of the cross and conquered its humiliation, and now sits exalted at the right hand of the throne of God!” (Hebrews 12:2 TPT) AMEN!!!

Unless The LORD Builds The House

Psalm 119-128

Unless Adonai builds the house,
its builders work in vain.
Unless Adonai guards the city,
the guard keeps watch in vain.

In vain do you get up early
and put off going to bed,
working hard to earn a living;
for he provides for his beloved,
even when they sleep.

Children too are a gift from Adonai;
the fruit of the womb is a reward.
The children born when one is young.
are like arrows in the hand of a warrior.
How blessed is the man
who has filled his quiver with them;
he will not have to be embarrassed
when contending with foes at the city gate.
Psalm 127:1-5

How happy is everyone who fears Adonai,
who lives by his ways.

You will eat what your hands have produced;
you will be happy and prosperous.
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
in the inner parts of your house.
Your children around the table will be
like shoots from an olive tree.

This is the kind of blessing that will fall
on him who fears Adonai.
Psalm 128:1-4

I love how these two psalms are placed back to back! The first one, Psalm 127 gives us a spiritual outline for how we ought to build our marriages and families. There are three principles that we need to hold on to:

1) Realize that we are inadequate on our own to build our marriages and families.

We often think that we control our destiny, that we alone can force change. But God is sovereign and He has revealed to us His will and how we ought to live in obedience to Him. He has given men and women unique and distinct roles within marriage designed to compliment and support one another. He has taught us how to approach conflict, deal with our own sins that create quarrels among us, and how to live in humility and submission to Him and to one another. How to raise our children, and in turn, how our children should respond to instruction and discipline. Yet we so often ignore God’s ways and depend on our own way of doing things instead. It’s no wonder so many marriages and families are broken. Moses says in Deuteronomy 12, “Obey and pay attention to everything I am ordering you to do, so that things will go well with you and with your descendants after you forever, as you do what Adonai sees as good and right.”

2) Refuse to get caught up in workaholic syndrome and materialism.

Solomon says that getting up early and going to bed late in order to labor away each day is in vain. He is not saying it is wrong to earn a living and to provide for our families; however, if that becomes the sole motivation – striving to achieve a certain level of wealth and prosperity – then there is evidence that we are failing to trust the One Who provides for all of our needs.

Jesus says in Matthew 6: “Do not store up for yourselves wealth here on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and burglars break in and steal. Instead, store up for yourselves wealth in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and burglars do not break in or steal. For where your wealth is, there your heart will be also…

No one can be slave to two masters; for he will either hate the first and love the second, or scorn the second and be loyal to the first. You can’t be a slave to both God and money.

“Therefore, I tell you, don’t worry about your life — what you will eat or drink; or about your body — what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds flying about! They neither plant nor harvest, nor do they gather food into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they are? Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to his life?…

So don’t be anxious, asking, ‘What will we eat?,’ ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘How will we be clothed?’ For it is the pagans who set their hearts on all these things. Your heavenly Father knows you need them all. But seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Don’t worry about tomorrow — tomorrow will worry about itself!

John writes in 1 John 2: “Do not love the world or the things of the world. If someone loves the world, then love for the Father is not in him; because all the things of the world — the desires of the old nature, the desires of the eyes, and the pretensions of life — are not from the Father but from the world. And the world is passing away, along with its desires. But whoever does God’s will remains forever.”

Our striving should not be for the things of this world. Instead, our desire should rest on the One Who provides for our needs, the One Who never slumbers or sleeps.

3) Recognize that children are gifts granted by God.

Our society claims to care a great deal about children, but my personal opinion is that they see children as disposable. Abortion alone is proof that the lives of children are not valued – that a woman’s choice is more important than an innocent life. I also believe children are becoming victims of political pandering – moved into the spotlight as examples and “pillars of bravery” for having parents who have encouraged and nurtured gender dysphoria. Children are a burden unless they can be used for political gain.

Yet sadly, and on a more personal note, I think even parents, myself included, can be tempted to see our own children as a burden. As an inconvenience. As a hinderance to our own personal happiness. I am convicted when I think of how many couples long for a child and yet, for whatever reason, are unable to have one. My husband and I spent the first four and a half years of our marriage avoiding having children in order to pursue our own interests and desires, because we didn’t see children as a gift. And after our first, we were convinced that one was enough and two was too many. Now with our second child on the way, I don’t regret those years, because I can see how God was preparing, changing and softening my heart, but I do wonder what my life would look like if I had had a different view of children.

I also must confess that I have had moments, even days, where I have been exasperated by my child, by the responsibility of being a parent. I have allowed my entitlement and selfishness to respond and react in unkind and unloving ways toward her because I don’t see her as the precious gift she is – given to me by God. But God has truly done a work on my heart, softening it and causing me to recognize what a tremendous gift and calling it is to be a parent to a child that He has given me. We have the opportunity to shape an eternal soul, to teach them and train them and proclaim to them about the LORD and His ways. It’s humbling to think that God has entrusted me and my husband with such an amazing calling!

The next psalm, 128, speaks of the blessings that come when a person has followed and applied the outline of the previous psalm. I liked the VOICE translation of this chapter:

“Those who stand in awe of the Eternal—
    who follow wherever He leads, committed in their hearts—experience His blessings!

“God will use your hard work to provide you food.
    You will prosper in your labor, and it will go well for you.
Your wife will be like a healthy vine producing plenty of fruit,
    a spring of life in your home.
Your children will be like young olive shoots;
    you will watch them bud and bloom around your table.

“Such are the blessings the Eternal lavishes
    on those who stand in awe of Him!”

When we build our lives upon the Rock, on faith and trust in the LORD, loving Him and walking in His ways, our lives will be blessed. This does not mean we will be free from trials and troubles, but we will experience far more joy and peace and far less despair and worry than those who attempt to walk in their own ways.

-God will bless the work of our hands. When our desire rests on Him, He will allow our labor to produce good for our homes and we will not be weary and restless due to the striving for wealth. We will be content because God has given us all that we need.

-God will bless our marriage. The psalmist specifically speaks of the wife, but I think you can apply it to the marriage relationship. A marriage rooted in Christ will be healthy, fruitful, and a source of life and joy to the entire household.

-God will bless our children. The psalmist compares the children to olive shoots. Olive trees, and olive oil, symbolize many things throughout scripture: anointing, sanctification, peace, joy, faith, and abundance. Children will become these things in our lives as we pour into them, teaching them diligently each and every day about the goodness of God, the love of God, and the ways of God.

These two psalms remind me of Jesus’s parable of the two builders in Matthew 7:

“Everyone who hears my teaching and applies it to his life can be compared to a wise man who built his house on an unshakable foundation. When the rains fell and the flood came, with fierce winds beating upon his house, it stood firm because of its strong foundation.

“But everyone who hears my teaching and does not apply it to his life can be compared to a foolish man who built his house on sand. When it rained and rained and the flood came, with wind and waves beating upon his house, it collapsed and was swept away.”

LORD, thank You that You have built our house! Thank You for my husband, for our marriage, that You have come into the midst of our relationship and continue to transform us to reflect the model You have given us in Your Word. Thank You for Your provision through my husband’s job. Protect our hearts from striving after the things of this world and let us rest in Your goodness and provision. Thank You for my children, for my daughter and the son that is soon to join our family. May I always see them as a gift from You and take joy and delight in the amazing responsibility You have given me. AMEN!

We Reap What We Sow

Galatians 6

Bear one another’s burdens — in this way you will be fulfilling the Torah’s true meaning, which the Messiah upholds. For if anyone thinks he is something when he is really nothing, he is fooling himself. So let each of you scrutinize his own actions. Then if you do find something to boast about, at least the boasting will be based on what you have actually done and not merely on a judgment that you are better than someone else; for each person will carry his own load. But whoever is being instructed in the Word should share all the good things he has with his instructor. Don’t delude yourselves: no one makes a fool of God! A person reaps what he sows. Those who keep sowing in the field of their old nature, in order to meet its demands, will eventually reap ruin; but those who keep sowing in the field of the Spirit will reap from the Spirit everlasting life. So let us not grow weary of doing what is good; for if we don’t give up, we will in due time reap the harvest. Therefore, as the opportunity arises, let us do what is good to everyone, and especially to the family of those who are trustingly faithful.
Galatians 6:2-10

I was looking back over my past posts and saw that it’s been over 2 years since I was last reading through Galatians. I reread what I previously journaled about for this passage, and it was a real encouragement for me today. Last time, I wrote about the importance of harvesting in the field where I’m planted – how my primary mission field is my home, specifically my husband and daughter. It’s been great that I have had the bandwidth in this season of life to be able to serve in our church’s marriage ministry and volunteer at a pregnancy center. But I know that this season is about to change in 5 short months with a new baby on the way. The amount of time and energy I’m able to give is going to decrease, but my primary mission field will not change. My husband, my daughter, and soon, my newborn son, are still the primary souls that God has entrusted me to have an eternal impact on.

After my daughter was born I really struggled. I had a poor reaction to medications from my csection which made bonding with my daughter very difficult in those first few weeks. It was really hard for me to transition from working wife to stay at home mom. After my mom returned home and my husband returned to work, I felt like I had little support and began to isolate myself, not realizing I was struggling with PPD. I dealt with anger, anxiety, loneliness, and resentment. It wasn’t until about 7 months after my daughter was born that I began to come out of that dark shell of depression.

There is some concern that I might repeat all of that all over again this time around, yet at the same time, I feel much more equipped. Not just physically and emotionally, but also spiritually. In the nearly 4 years since our daughter was born, God has been at work in my heart. As I’ve sowed seed in the field of the Spirit – in spending consistent time in His word, growing in my prayer life, becoming more authentic and open about my struggles with other believers, submitting my need for control and perfection, being quicker to seek and extend forgiveness – I have seen God reaping a harvest in my life, in my marriage, and in my parenting.

It is true that we reap what we sow, and what we sow today affects tomorrow. I didn’t know four years ago how the areas I was sowing in would impact me today, yet God has overwhelmed me with the ways He has brought about harvests in my life in ways I never expected.

LORD, thank You for the harvests You have reaped in my life and the harvests that are yet to come! I want to continue sowing in the field of the Spirit, not the field of my flesh. That is a daily struggle that I know I can only overcome by the power of Your Spirit at work in me. Help me to submit to Your will and to seek Your way over mine. As we prepare for a new child to enter our family, I pray that You will continue to equip me for the changes that await, to take them in stride and in grace, and to rest in Your presence. AMEN!

Legalistic Observance Does NOT Equal Righteousness

Galatians 1-2

We are Jews by birth, not so-called ‘Gentile sinners’; even so, we have come to realize that a person is not declared righteous by God on the ground of his legalistic observance of Torah commands, but through the Messiah Yeshua’s trusting faithfulness. Therefore, we too have put our trust in Messiah Yeshua and become faithful to him, in order that we might be declared righteous on the ground of the Messiah’s trusting faithfulness and not on the ground of our legalistic observance of Torah commands. For on the ground of legalistic observance of Torah commands, no one will be declared righteous.

But if, in seeking to be declared righteous by God through our union with the Messiah, we ourselves are indeed found to be sinners, then is the Messiah an aider and abettor of sin? Heaven forbid! Indeed, if I build up again the legalistic bondage which I destroyed, I really do make myself a transgressor. For it was through letting the Torah speak for itself that I died to its traditional legalistic misinterpretation, so that I might live in direct relationship with God. When the Messiah was executed on the stake as a criminal, I was too; so that my proud ego no longer lives. But the Messiah lives in me, and the life I now live in my body I live by the same trusting faithfulness that the Son of God had, who loved me and gave himself up for me. I do not reject God’s gracious gift; for if the way in which one attains righteousness is through legalism, then the Messiah’s death was pointless.
Galatians 2:15-21

My quiet times have been off the last few weeks as we have been out of town for almost two weeks this past month. My intentions are always that I would have some sort of quiet time while we are away, but it’s just so hard to find that time when my schedule is so off.

Yesterday it finally hit me how my lack of time with the LORD was affecting my attitude and behavior (not that it hadn’t been before, I just wasn’t keenly aware until now). We got back in town on Sunday, and I needed yesterday to catch up on all the things that need to be done after being away (unpacking, laundry, groceries, etc). I told myself I would get some stuff done first and then come back later in the day to find time to spend in the word. My daughter, who had enjoyed a week full of attention from cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents, was especially attention seeking yesterday, when all I needed (*wanted) her to do was happily entertain herself so I could get some stuff done. This, I’ve realized, is one of my triggers. When I have an agenda, I don’t like anyone or anything getting in my way of accomplishing it. I begin to get annoyed, then frustrated, then irate and snappy, until I become full blown angry. And that’s how yesterday progressed as her persistent neediness and attention-seeking behavior finally sent me over the edge and I blew up at her over her refusal to clean up some of her toys so that she and I could play something else together (finally). The truth is, she’s three, and all she wanted was some time together with her mommy. All day long I had been putting her off, promising her we could play after “just one more thing.” Her tantrum over cleaning up her toys was my “out” from having to do what I had been promising her all day. When I think of the ugliness and selfishness of my sin toward her, it hurts. I don’t pretend to think that “had I just spent time in the word that morning I wouldn’t have acted that way.” I know reading the bible isn’t a magic pill that just causes me to think and behave better. I probably would have still struggled with selfishness yesterday, but perhaps my response to my daughter would have been a bit more grace-filled, a bit more selfless, understanding, and empathetic. It’s not the act of reading God’s word that changes me, but the time spent allowing His life-giving truth into my wicked, hard heart that transforms me closer into the image of His Son.

But my thoughts yesterday, and in previous days over the past week, have been that God is mad at me. Mad that I’m not doing “all the things” that I “should” be doing as a follower of Christ. Often times when I feel this way, through shame and guilt that I’m not “doing enough,” I start to withdrawal from God, thinking He’s probably upset about my lack of faithfulness and wants nothing to do with me. Like a dog who chewed up a pair of shoes, I curl up and cower in a corner.

So this morning, Paul’s words of correction were just the truth I needed to hear: “a person is not declared righteous by God on the ground of his legalistic observance…but through the Messiah Yeshua’s trusting faithfulness.” When I base my righteousness on what I do or don’t do, instead of on what Christ did, I am trusting in a false gospel. Because it’s not simply my faith (which is small, fickle, and fallible) that saves me, but Christ’s faithfulness (which is never-ending) that accomplishes what I never could. 

And that’s how it’s always been. I think many Christians have this wrong understanding that Old Testament believers were saved by works (legalistic observance of the Torah) and that New Testament believers and beyond are saved by faith. Yet Paul makes it very clear in this passage that if legalism is the way by which we are saved and made righteous, then Jesus would not have needed to die. Throughout the Old and New Testament we see that righteousness comes through faith, but also that sin has to be atoned for. If the Old Testament believers were saved based solely on their legalistic observance of the Torah, why did God institute a sacrificial system? It’s because even if they were made righteous through faith, they still sinned, and their sin still needed to be covered. Even then, they had to have faith in the blood of a sacrifice – not their works – that would reconcile them to God. Those Old Testament sacrifices all pointed to the greater and fully sufficient sacrifice of Jesus, whose blood would not only cover sin, but completely remove it, thus reconciling us to God completely.

I’m so thankful for the opportunity God has given me to be a mother, because so often it teaches me more about God’s love for me. As my daughter came out of her room this morning, she sleepily toddled over to me, crawled in my lap and gave me a big hug. Almost like yesterday never happened. I think this is just a small picture of God’s mercies that are new every morning. Yesterday is forgiven, today is a new day. Even if I mess up or fall short, which I’m sure I will, God’s love for me is unconditional.

LORD, thank You that my righteousness is not dependent on me, but is completely dependent on the faithfulness of Your Son, Who loved me and gave Himself up for me. Help me remember that even when I falter, even when I am faithless, that You are always faithful. When I fall back into thinking it’s about me and what I do, remind me that it’s always been about You and what You’ve done. As I walk in the grace of Your love and faithfulness, transform me and my prideful, selfish, stubborn heart to become more like you. AMEN!